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Saturday, November 10, 2007

AN OPEN LETTER TO MY GROCER



MY grocer has been delivering for me for more than 4 years now...he got a deli down the block.




Dear Mr. Lu,

Your delivery guy is in the lobby downstairs and I'm gonna let him wait as long as it takes until I get what I want. Although my stockroom is still full, I kept accepting your weekly delivery of the groceries which I got a liiiiiiittle problem with…

Nobody changed the grocery list I gave you but you keep delivering goods that are NOT on it. And you luuuuv to substitute! FOR EXAMPLE…

I only drink Chilean wine and you keep delivering French! The taste isn’t the same and you certainly need a lesson in geography. I only tolerate Brie cheese and you keep sending Cheddar! Who’s gonna eat it? I don’t keep mice as pets. Whole Wheat Bread is different from Wheat Bread. You want me to get colon cancer? Ha! You can eat it for all I care.

And I specifically asked for organic fruits from Cameron Highlands. Why you keep sending me pre-packed from Sri Lanka? Although my house keeper is glad to take it all home, HEY, I’m still paying for it! And the MILK? Who ordered milk? Get it away from me!


Best regards,

Pisanu
38 Bidara
Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia


P.S.
Please change my stuffed olives to Spanish. The Greek ones are getting a bit oily these days. Thank you.

P.P.S.
I heard your daughter is graduating with honours! Wow! You must be very proud! Congratulations Mr. Lu! Now, recall your delivery guy and meet my demands! I mean NOW!


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14 Comments:

AJ of Baklaako.com said...

Lol! This rant made my day!

Fable Frog said...

OMG! i walk past your condo like everyday when going to work!! and it's in my neighbourhood! haha Which grocery store is MR.Lu's?? hahaha i boycott him!! LOL!!

Friedreich said...

whoah! chilean wine! impeccable taste you got!

Mariani of Italy said...

you really hate your milk, dontcha?

Twisted Tomato! said...

Peace of advice,pare : Change your grocer!

Carlos Javier said...

Pisanu, you hate milk? Aww.. Heheh. Well, you can forward it to me anytime! LOL.

Pisanu for BISEAN said...

@ Tomato...it pays to be loyal to a delicatessen. You get the freebies!

@ Carlos...yuck! You drink milk? This is the only one thing that can make me run puking! LOL I can't stand it. Waaah! Straight from the cow's boobies! LOL

Carlos Javier said...

@ Pisanu: Yep yep! Got milk?
Heheh.

You're like my sister, she positively HATES milk.

So you don't eat ice cream then?

Sofia for BiSEAN said...

Sexy Carlos, why you keep asking Pisanu questions when I'm obviously hotter than him? ;P

Me, I eat ice cream only if its Haagen Dasz. Now you know.

Sucre (one of the Biseaners) said...

Carlos, River once stormed in an ice cream factory demanding that they close down. I'm not kidding! It really happened 2 years ago and he was on a local paper! It was really funny. Crazy guy. Don't mind Sofia, she's kinda bitchy these days. Boo!

Carlos Javier said...

Sofia! Aww... I just figured its more courteous to address Pisanu since its his post here. *kiss*

Anyway, wow, I love Haagen Dazs too (heck, I love ice cream in general, and i'll eat most any brand)! Maybe we could hang out sometime and pig-out on that, for starters? ;)

Hello Sucre! Hmm... I wonder why Pisanu doing that no longer surprises me? Heheh.

Pisanu for BISEAN said...

Hey! I can read you know. Thank you very much.

MischMensch said...

Whoops, I sense cat fight! Meowwwww

Erique Fat Owl said...

I would never trust any delivery guys to deliver my groceries. Why don't you try picking up your foodstuffs by yourself? Especially your wine...why would you trust grocers to pick them up for you (unless they've got comprehensive list of wines based on country of origin, vineyard, and vintage...)?

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