SENATOR CAYETANO OF THE PHILIPPINES: Bad Liar or Plain Ignorant?

The Inquirer, 27 Nov 2011 - Senator Pia Cayetano and another insignificant senator wanted a senate inquiry on why the Philippines only landed No. 6 overall in the recent SEA Games held in Jakarta-Palembang.

Her lies (or ignorant comment, take your pick) --

"Our country used to be No. 1 or No.2 all the time in Southeast Asian Games. What happened we are No. 6th?" --

Truth: The Philippines only landed at No. 1 in 2005 when it was held in... guess where? -- in The Philippines. It only landed twice at No. 2 since 1959 (in 1983 and 1991.)

She also calls herself a sportsman. Or whatever. That's why she wanted a waste-of-time inquiry. AHAHA! She only rides her bicycle if there's media covering the event.

Nuff said.

If this is the Official ASEAN Anthem...it Sucks!

Ok, I have to admit; this is the very first time I heard this. Not that I'm not interested, but I just knew there would be a boo-boo in the selection process.

Listen to this first and I'm sure you would agree with me on some of my feedback --






... HORRIBLE, isn't it?

*rant starts here*


What was that all about?!!! Is that all you guys at the Headquarters can come up with? What is this? -- A chorale competition?

You let a "choir" sing the ASEAN anthem like any western group of people doing a western artform of group singing? The way it was sang DOES NOT represent Southeast Asia AT ALL!

We need some leader-shifting! We NEED NEW and YOUNG leaders over there! You old blokes at the HQ need to retire already and listen to your choir songs in Nursing Homes! Horrible, horrible taste!

And WHY IS IT SANG IN ENGLISH? It should be sang in Bahasa! The most widely-spoken language of the region. Aren't we pushing for it to be the official language? Where's your consistency?

I have nothing against choir singing, but this DOES NOT represent ANY of the countries in the ASEAN. Hey, you people at the ASEAN HQ -- you have been wondering for decades why ASEAN never appealed to the majority of the youth...


...well, here's one of the answers. Bodoh!

*Rants ends here*
****

CREATURES SPOTTED IN THE GYM!

BISEAN went on a gym safari and spotted these amazing creatures!

The Gym Bunnies - They come in every effin’ day in lycra leotards. They hop around the gym from one machine to another without ever finishing a routine. Hop, hop hop!

The Gym Gorillaz - Bulky, hairy, and cast a huuuuge shadow behind ‘em. Their color ranges from deep red to Kiwi dark-brown shoe polish.

The Meerkats - They stretch their necks and stick their heads out whenever a gorgeous guy comes in.

The Hyenas - They chat, chuckle, laugh, chat some more and chat, chat, chat to eternity. If hunting rifles are allowed, I’ll take them down first.

The Parrots - Same as the Hyenas but wears fantabulously outrageous gym outfits made in China.

The Gym Crocs - Creatures who never leave a machine and stay there all day as if they own it. They will be the next ones to go after the Hyenas, I tell you.

The Wet Dogs - They always leave the machine wet for the next user. I don’t understand how they sweat so much! Argh!

The Guard Dogs - They bark and woof on the last 3 reps. There’s also a hybrid of this mixed with Gorillaz.

The Giraffes - Tall, gorgeous, painfully beautiful creatures who are so into themselves. Usually found on the machines closest to the mirror wall.

The Hippos - Unbelievably huge creatures but rarely visible. They are found under the bubbles of the Jacuzzi with their noses just above the water.

The Gila Monsters - Huge, ferocious lizards usually found in the sauna all day. They never leave!

The Skunk - They come to the gym oozing with irritating AXE cologne sprayed all over. These creatures DON’t understand! Get away from me! G E T A W A Y !

The Chicken - A creature with massive chest and throbbing arms complete with toothpick legs.

The Kapibara - Fat, amphibious rats usually found “basking” in the area between the shower and the locker room.

The Hamsters - Creatures running all day on the threadmill and go straight to the snack bar afterwards.

Any gym creatures you spotted lately?

HAVE YOU EVER WONDERED WHAT DO THEY DO IN MACAU?

I’m sure you know at least one person, who is working in Macau at this very moment, don’t you?

If you are in the entertainment or modeling business chances are, you know quite a few of them.

I’m also quite sure you already asked what in the world are they doing there.

Let’s compare their answers; these are the ones I always get…

1. ramp modeling
2. commercial modeling
3. print ads modeling
4. in-house modeling
5. catalogue modelling

Sure. Whatever you say.

In the past decades, Southeast Asia has seen temporary/transitory migrations of our best looking citizens; Starlets, model-wannabes, what-have-you.

Japan in the 80s, Brunei in the 90s… 2000s? Go figure.

So, what do they really do there in Macau?

You wanna know the real score (as witnessed and documented) in Macau? Here is what they really do over there:

1. night club bikini dancers
2. escorts-for-pay (run by escort service companies)
3. massage-boys-with-extra-service
4. private club hostesses (and who knows what they do in there)
5. common sex traders


All of our countries are represented. No exceptions. As long as you look like a model (or a movie starlet)… you’re in!

Macau would also be a transient -- if they're lucky enough to get sponsors to China (a bigger sex trade/modeling market).


My take on this? Keep the dirty laundry within our own yard.

****

THAT DOES IT: Nobody Taught Us How To Plant Rice

You may consider this entry a rant. It’s just that I am so sick and tired of hearing “We taught you how to plant rice blah-blah” a million times in my lifetime and I have taken it like a real Thai – with non-confrontation “yeah-if-you-say-so” attitude – until now.


I met a group of Filipinos downstairs at the lobby (Sheraton Surabaya) earlier. Usual travel chit-chat and considering my deep affection for the Philippines, I always make it a point to be courteous and cool.

Until the conversation went to the RICE topic *again* – a standard pitch for Filipinos I meet around the world. “The Philippines taught the whole region the Science of Rice.”; “My country taught your country how to plant rice in the 60s.” “Thais, Vietnamese, Indonesians and our neighboring countries came to the Philippines in the 70s to study how to plant rice.” The pitch varies but says the same thing – they taught US how to plant rice.

I am a big fan of GMA Network documentaries. My DVD collection is extensive and I have almost everything they aired (I’ll tell you where I got the unreleased episodes another time). Either Jiggy or Howie mentioned “the pitch” in one of their docus and I thought it was poor taste… let me point it out to you –

The Philippines DID NOT teach Southeast Asia (especially Thailand) how to plant rice.

The Tai People of ancient Thailand has been planting rice since 4,000 BC. And considering our continuous history, chances are, the knowledge has been handed down to this day. The earliest and most convincing archeological evidence for domestication of rice in Southeast Asia was discovered by Wilhelm G. Solheim II in 1966 in Non Nok Tha in the Korat area of Thailand.

Korat and the Angkorian Kingdoms of Cambodia had close ties later on in history. Rice is already a staple in the ancient kingdoms of Southeast Asia. And evidences of cultivated rice as old as 10,000 BC are discovered in Spirit Cave on the Thai-Burmese border as well.

The International Rice Research Institute (IRRI) which happens to be located in the Philippines may be the source of this worldwide/region-wide “pitch”…

The IRRI is a non-profit, non-government organization established by Ford and Rockefeller Foundations of America in the height of the Asian Americanization of the 60s. They chose the location [among many reasons] because the Philippines is America’s closest ally in those days. So... what if they have chosen Cambodia to be the location of IRRI? Would it mean that Cambodia "taught" all of us how to plant rice?

Why do you think PhilRice was established in 1986? The same function, same research, same purpose – but the Filipinos fully own it. So, IRRI [where a lot of Southeast Asians came for further studies] is, in fact, an AMERICAN institution.

And please don’t bother commenting “IRRI is located here, so technically…” because I don’t wanna hear it. The ADB Headquarters is located there so does that mean you guys “taught” us how to bank? Ha!

From this day on, if I hear that darn “pitch” again…

I’m gonna talk back.

****

--Pisanu in Surabaya
08 Sept 2008

LESSONS WE LEARNED FROM THE OLYMPICS:And some sensible suggestions, mind ya!

It never fails to amaze me that a country ruled by trigger-happy-good-for-nothing-junta COULD NOT even send somebody to Target Shooting in the Olympics? Ha! That’s what they do best, right? Shoot innocent monks and civilians AND they have been practicing for decades anyway; so, why not get a medal for it? Dumb nitwits!

Brunei should drown the officials (who failed to register their athletes on time) in crude oil. Were they busy polishing their 18k-gold door knobs? Huh! Prepare the registrations 6-months prior, buy a new jet 3-months prior and fly your asses over there 3-days prior next time.

The Philippines should concentrate on sending (and supporting) locally-honed athletes instead of the foreign-trained ones. The former would do it for the country’s pride while the latter do it mainly for sponsorships. We all know that so, don’t argue.

Singapore should give a pre-departure crash course on “How to Respect the National Flag” to ignorant ‘imported’ locals. I wanted to rip the guts out of the flag bearer as I watch her drag it about the stadium. What’s her name? Ah! – Li Jia Wei, I hate you.

Cambodia should raise their national athletes’ monthly training allowance from US$30 (no typo-error there, it’s really thirty!) to US$300. The Poipet Border alone can earn at least US$11,000 a day in under-the-table fees – why not share some of it to the athletes? Greedy Immigration Officials. Pfft!

Laos & Cambodia should send more athletes out. Saturate regional games (which are mostly held in neighbouring Thailand or nearby Malaysia and Singapore) so I don’t see any excuse in spending a little more. Send the athletes by trains or buses if you have to. We promise not to laugh.

Indonesia, obviously, is on the right track -- Bringing in medals since 1992. But with 235 million people? – You guys can do better. Give the Gunawan brothers their OWN island to train more badminton athletes.

Malaysia has some very talented boxers in Perlis, Perak and Kedah. Find and train swimmers among the Badjaos or Tau-Laut in Sabah and Sarawak. With your unlimited funds? – Invest it in more athletes.

Timor Leste should concentrate on other sports when it’s Olympics time. Send the runners to the SEA Games or the Asian Games instead where most athletes have equally shorter legs. I got 2 words put together for you – weightlifting.

Hey, Vietnam! Since you guys are the closest to China – why not train some of your athletes there? Or send some sports scientists over to China and learn more (then tell us their secrets, ok?). Lovely.

Oh, Thailand, my Thailand. Have we really been sold by our own officials? Since we should have won more than 3 Golds in Boxing alone…I wanna believe the rumours. Just don’t let me catch ‘em.

IN OUR REGION…countries with lots of athletes don’t have money. And countries with lots of money, don’t have athletes. Let’s help each other, shall we?

****

--Pisanu in Chiang Mai

28 Aug 2008

WHEN CREDIT IS DUE...

With just a year of existence, BISEAN made a handful of blog posts that stirred the norms and common "beliefs".

You won’t believe how many emails we got for posting lists challenging the familiar – from the Malaysians and their mountains, from the Filipinos and their malls, etc.



I was channel surfing my satellite TV and checking out the region’s local networks the other day. I do this every weekend so I would know what’s happening around our paradise.

And guess what I’ve found?

There’s this Philippine network airing a campaign for the New7Wonders of the World. Urging the whole country to vote for their local “wonders” to be included in the World list…hmmm, o’right *frowns*

I want the credit.

BISEAN is the first AND ONLY Southeast Asian blog to call for this campaign.

When BISEAN was calling all bloggers in the region to support the Angkor last year NOBODY cared. We were also the first blog in the region to campaign the New7Wonders of Nature.

Now that this Network found a “potential” prize – they all suddenly all out campaigning?

ABS-CBN…where were you when the original New7Wonders was on full swing?

A "world-class" network that isn't familiar about this global campaign since 1999?

None of the Philippine wonders was even on the list. There wasn’t even a mention of the campaign in the entire Philippine blogosphere. Why the sudden interest?

Whoever’s running your network blog saw MY blog -- that’s for sure. BISEAN is the first blog who heed the call to Filipino bloggers.

And I want credit for it.


****

WHY DO OUR NEIGHBORS REFUSE TO VOTE FOR US?

I was just thinking – in a voting system that includes the whole dang world like The New 7 Wonders, Miss World or even regional voting like the Asian Idol…Southeast Asia has a voting power. But why is there always a “left-out”?

A “Left-Out” is somebody you knew will make it but somehow didn’t. A “Left-Out” is a delegate that wasn’t included while his/her neighboring counter part did. A “Left-Out” is a very talented contestant that didn’t get the vote. A “Left-Out” is a country… ok, you got the picture.

When “critters” leave evil and cruel comments on our blog -- I am more disappointed than irritated. Why? Because these critters leave tracks where they came from. They disgrace their country more than themselves!

So what’s my point? Here…

Why would other countries vote for your candidate when they have a bad impression on the kind of people you are which you yourself projected?

How can you expect a vote when all they hear from your country are criticisms, insensitivity and arrogance?

What can we do about it?

Don’t tolerate “critters”. If you know they come from your country, let them know it’s not alright. Expose them if possible.

You are an ambassador of your people as much as I am to mine. What we do mirrors how we are as a nation. *I know it sucks, but that’s reality*

How do you want the world to view your country?

Be nice.

****

WOULD YOU WANT TO LIVE FOREVER?

Before you answer that question like a Miss Universe finalist determined to win, listen to my story first sweetie…

My friends and I went to this very interesting place called Narmada a few minutes away from our hotel. This is one of Lombok Island’s many Hindu temples.

In the garden grounds, there’s this curious fountain called “the Fountain of Youth”. Hindu devotees believe that it would give longer life to anyone who drinks it. OMG sweetie! I felt excited! But not really…

As Morgan and Pisanu appeared to take a sip of the “enchanted” water, I took a step back – what if it’s true? What if I indeed live longer than I should? What if I drink too much than required – what’s the dosage? Would it keep me young or I’ll still go old but I won’t die for like 300 years?!! It was a fokken dilemma, I tell you. Not to mention it looks filthy, sweetheart.

So what I did was… I emptied my Evian bottle, refilled it with the "alleged" enchanted water…

....and keep it till I get my answers.

Who knows?


O'right sweeties... for those who can't wait to answer the question posted on the title; you may do so on the comment section. And don't forget your poise. Fokken out! LOL

EVERYBODY’S HAPPY, EXCEPT ME

Hello sweeties and thank you for dropping by our blog. I wasn’t blogging anything much lately so I decided to write something for the heck of it.

For those who didn’t know; Pisanu, Morgan, Tommy, Sucre et moi flew back home from Laos last Saturday for the annual Leela-Anont Family get together-slash-raffle-draw-slash-car-extravaganza. Fokken out!
Here…let me expound it for ya, sweetie…

Every first Sunday of February of every year, all of Pisanu’s relatives come to Bangkok because he gives away cars and SUVs he used in the past year. This year, he gives away 6! Gives away – did you hear me? G-i-v-e-s a-w-a-y! And what I’m upset about is I didn’t get any! Don’t laugh. I’m dead serious honey.

I have to fly back to Bangkok to witness this crazy event? For what? Nothing? Not even a stupid Expedition? Nothing for me?!

What I’m so upset about is…once Pisanu is on a car-buying-spree again, he’ll drag me with him to all the car dealers around the city. And what does it make me feel? He can buy and I can’t? That bast*rd!

Here’s a tip for those new friends of Pisanu. Never ever tell him your dream car. Because he’ll buy it and make you jealous till you throw up. What kind of human is he? B*tch!

Anyway, so much for the free cars. We’re off to Indonesia tomorrow till Friday. Then the Philippines for a few days then Malaysia and Vietnam. That is, if there won’t be anymore of that stupid car give away extravaganza. Pffft! What a show off.

SHAME, SHAME, SHAME...

Excerpt from the opening speech of Dr. Surin Pitsuwan – the Secretary-General of the ASEAN – at the opening of the “ASEAN Awareness Survey” Discussion...



“My initial perusal of the draft report found a few surprises, concerns and disappointments:

• the most common attitude towards ASEAN was “positive”;

• over 75% of students agreed with the statement “I feel I am a citizen of ASEAN” They may not know yet that the drafters of the ASEAN Charter felt that ASEAN was not yet ready to recognize the ASEAN “citizenship”, the way the European Union does recognize European citizenship; thus the ASEAN Charter is silent on the ASEAN citizenship;

• the positive sentiments were strongest in Laos, Cambodia and Viet Nam. I guess they are newcomers and get a lots of benefits by joining the group;

• the positive sentiment was weakest in Myanmar and Singapore;

• only 38.6% of the students in the Philippines could correctly identify the ASEAN flag -- this is quite serious, considering the fact that the Philippines was chairing ASEAN in 2006-2007, when this survey was conducted.

• and worse, only 38.5% of the Thai students knew the ASEAN flag. I am afraid I have a lot more public information work to do in my own country, Thailand !” *end of quote*


The “Awareness of ASEAN” survey was carried out in 2007 at 10 universities in 10 ASEAN member nations. The Top 3 countries that are knowledgeable about the bloc are Vietnam (96%), Laos (93%) and Cambodia (92%). Myanmar is at the bottom with only 9.6%.

And for the rest of us? What a shame.

****

WHADDA?!...

Maybe some of you have noticed the Medal Tally right up there on the right hand side corner of the screen – the BISEAN [Sx] Games.

What the f*ck is it?... EXACTLY! It’s about f*ck.

Well, we started a little game among BISEANers who among us can sleep with the most number of gorgeous people in 2 weeks. Hey! We need to occupy our time! You got better idea? – None? So shut up. *and if you do, I don’t wanna hear it =)*

Anyways, none of us can go out partying alone. There’s a buddy system implemented to validate the “claim” for the day. Cheaters would be stripped, castrated and fed to the metrosexuals. *Eeew! Yuck!*

The winner would get bragging rights for the whole year and get to slap Mrs. Shinawatra on the face (optional, of course).

The gold, silver, and bronze medals are all explained right under the tally.
Any questions?

****

10 PEOPLE I WANNA SLEEP WITH IN 2008

In a twist of fate in the Universe, the 3 BISEAN authors sat down in a quiet café with nothing to talk about. This is rare. Very rare.

So they took out a piece of paper and listed down the most important issue facing the authors in the New Year: the10 people they wanna sleep with before 2008 ends. LOL!

These lists are not to be ignored. When Pisanu, Sofia and Morgan want something…they usually get it; challenging the Universe. LOL! Here are their WANT lists…

Pisanu

1. Micaela Reis (Miss Angola ’07) – she looks like a dominatrix and would whip my ass!
2. Denise Laurel – because she’s the cutest girl in Asia right now.
3. DJ Tiesto – because I wasn’t able last year.
4. Leah Dizon – she’s the most beautiful woman I have ever seen.
5. Colleen Francisca – because she rocks!
6. Preya – because she’s the hottest blogger in the entire blogosphere. *I am so dead after this post =)*
7. Dennis O’Neill – I wanna make everybody jealous.
8. Tera Patrick – because she’s my childhood dream girl and I want her on my birthday this year.
9. DJ Tony – because he makes me shake my booty on the dance floor.
10. Siti Nurhaliza – because I wanna make her happy.

Sofia

1. Hady Mirza (Asian Idol) – because he looks like a virgin. Haha!
2. Mario Maurer – because he looks so innocent.
3. Ase Wang – same as Mario.
4. Peter Corp Dyrendal – I’m sorry, Ase. But I just have to. It’s a one time thing, sweetie. No big deal. Care to share?
5. Denise Laurel – because Pisanu and Morgan won’t stop talking about her. And she’s cute.
6. Alec van Dierendonck – because I like his style and long legs. Ugh!
7. Nicholas Saputra – I like my men a little rough sometimes.
8. Chin Indracusin – because he’s the hottest Thai at the moment.
9. Bryanboy – it’s the lesbian in me, sweetie.
10. Patrick Ribbsaetter – because he’s naughty in bed (I want know if it’s true).

Morgan

1. Phuong Vy (Vietnamese Idol ’07) – because she’s cute.
2. Denise Laurel – because she’s cuter.
3. Tila Nguyen – she’s hot.
4. Mealeva Tam – even hotter!
5. Bryanboy!!!
6. Sam Chotebundit – I want to make Sofia jealous.
7. Preya – I want to make Pisanu jealous.
8. DJ Tiesto – because he rocks! And he is BISEAN’s official DJ.
9. Gretchen Baretto – because she’s lovely and I never met her.
10. Maria Renata – because she looks like an angel.

If you’re on the list. Do yourself a favor. Email us and leave your number. LOL. We’re just having fun here, sweetie.

MISTAKEN: Disadvantages of Being a Eurasian Kid

Here in Thailand, a lot of people always ask where I come from. But some, especially the traditionalists, would know I am Thai one way or another. I guess it’s in my body language or demeanor.

As I get a lot of the dreaded question and mistaken identity, it’s not exclusively in Thailand…

I was called “el chiquito griego” in Spain when I was a kid. It means the little Greek boy next door. They call me “l’enfant japonais terrible” in France which means the rowdy little Japanese boy. And in Kuwait, I am the “horrible Indian kid” because most of my friends are Indian and everybody just assumed I’m the leader of the pack.

What strikes me most is; while most people are mistaken by region or continent – like Asian, European, etc. — people mistook me by nationality!

This goes with my name as well – Pisanu. As it turned out, it is a famous Italian name. I don’t have an ounce of Italian blood and my name isn’t pronounced as how you read it. Although “Pisanu” is the romantization of my name in Thai; it is actually pronounced as [‘bpis-‘nook].

Being half- Asian, I am almost always stereotyped as Oriental, South American or some Mediterranean kid in Europe. But when I’m in Asia, it’s the other way around! Ha!

Once when I was around 5 or 6…my father had to fetch me from the Mexican Embassy in Brussels. A nice old lady picked me up from a kiddy park (thinking that I was lost) and dropped me by the gates of the Mexican Embassy. Weird, isn’t it?

My mother and I got the encounter of our lives when I was 13 on a trip to Katmandu. There were a lot of people at the airport when we arrived and they were probably waiting for a politician or a celebrity.

On our way out, I had the shock of my life when a hundred people came to me and put leis and flowers around my neck! Gifts and all! Mother was lost in the crowd as I was being shoved farther to the sea of people. If not because mother turned hysterical that people realized that they got the wrong “celebrity”. I was immediately released to my mother’s arms – leis, flowers and gifts taken back. Do I really look Nepalese to them? *giggles*

What makes me wonder is; how do we decide who is which and which is who?
In an era of global village, multi-ethnicity is among us like never before.

How can the way we look surpass our racial identity?
Are we really this backward to stereotype and assume nationality based on looks?


****

AN OPEN LETTER TO RESORTS INVITING BISEAN

This letter is written and posted here because it is very hard to reply to each and every email you nice people from the resorts are sending us.




Dear you,

Yes, you. Owners, GMs, marketing execs of resorts around here that keep sending us invitations to see, experience, review and “promote” your most beloved resorts. Are you listening?...ok, here…

I wish you would stop the emails (which you send by the hundreds) inviting us to try your resorts. And please stop offering us discounts ranging from cheapskate 10% to the generous 70%.

Although we are very thankful and appreciative with the invitations, the perks, the discounts…well, we are regretfully declining.

You wanna know why?...

We don’t like discounts. And we don’t like free rides either. Invite us with the beauty and facilities of your resorts; and maybe we’ll come. We never said “yes” to any of you yet because we wanna pay in full…just like any resort guests.

You want us to come? – don’t offer us discounts.

Respectable resorts never offer discounts.

Paradise and oases come with a price.

Thank you very much.


Much love,

Pisanu for BISEAN

OK, A EURASIAN WON MISS EARTH…

If you think I’m celebrating…well, you’re wrong.
This is a rant. So for readers who got a soft-spot for beauty pageants, I suggest you don’t read this.

After almost 2 weeks without seeing each other, the BISEANers got together last night. And due to the insistence of Tommy [who obviously got a crush on Utt], we all got to watch Miss Earth on satellite feed. For those of you who are not familiar with Miss Earth…it’s a secondary beauty pageant that attached itself to environmental causes to make it sound relevant and different from the rest of the major world pageants.

Something’s fishy. Throughout the 7-year history of Miss Earth… the Philippines is always a finalist. Well, mainly because it’s their pageant. [Think Miss USA in Miss Universe or any UK country in Miss World]. This year, the Philippines is not a finalist. BUT…they made a half-Filipina half-Ukrainian Canadian win? Oh very clever! Very clever, sweetie!

Huh? What's this?!... How can a beauty pageant air for almost 4 hours? One commercial gap ran for more than 45 minutes! And you call this a major beauty pageant? Or maybe major “sponsor” pageant? And what’s with the announcement of names and credentials of people who give out flowers and sashes? Does any of the world’s major pageants do this? No.

Don’t start with Miss World being racist, because IT IS NOT!
Well, sweetie…how many Asians made it to the finalists in Miss Earth? How many Africans? Just like any pageant, they also prefer Latinas and Europeans, honey. Who’s racist now? Miss Earth is no different.

And to prove to you that even Asian pageants prefer Latinas and Europeans…take the case of Miss Asia. They changed it to Miss Asia-Pacific to include Aussies, Kiwis, the US and South American countries. As if like they are still not happy with it, they changed it again to Miss Asia-Pacific International to include the Europeans. What do you call that? Huh? What country owns Miss Asia-Pacific International, sweetie? Pfft! But boo-hoo…only Miss World and Miss Universe prefer Latinas and Europeans, don’t they?

It was a crazy night. Morgan lost his voice howling every time Miss Switzerland comes out. Pisanu smashed a beer bottle to the wall when Miss Spain was only called a runner up. Tommy and the girls kept giggling every time Utt stammers. I personally think Miss India should’ve won.

Sweetie, my main point is…since we all sour-grape and whine about Miss Universe or Miss World seldom give chances to Asians, why copy them? Give more chances to beautiful Asian women since this Miss Earth pageant is in our own turf.


Think about it, honey.

--Sofia

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AN OPEN LETTER TO MY GROCER

MY grocer has been delivering for me for more than 4 years now...he got a deli down the block.




Dear Mr. Lu,

Your delivery guy is in the lobby downstairs and I'm gonna let him wait as long as it takes until I get what I want. Although my stockroom is still full, I kept accepting your weekly delivery of the groceries which I got a liiiiiiittle problem with…

Nobody changed the grocery list I gave you but you keep delivering goods that are NOT on it. And you luuuuv to substitute! FOR EXAMPLE…

I only drink Chilean wine and you keep delivering French! The taste isn’t the same and you certainly need a lesson in geography. I only tolerate Brie cheese and you keep sending Cheddar! Who’s gonna eat it? I don’t keep mice as pets. Whole Wheat Bread is different from Wheat Bread. You want me to get colon cancer? Ha! You can eat it for all I care.

And I specifically asked for organic fruits from Cameron Highlands. Why you keep sending me pre-packed from Sri Lanka? Although my house keeper is glad to take it all home, HEY, I’m still paying for it! And the MILK? Who ordered milk? Get it away from me!


Best regards,

Pisanu
38 Bidara
Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia


P.S.
Please change my stuffed olives to Spanish. The Greek ones are getting a bit oily these days. Thank you.

P.P.S.
I heard your daughter is graduating with honours! Wow! You must be very proud! Congratulations Mr. Lu! Now, recall your delivery guy and meet my demands! I mean NOW!

****

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HOW TO SAY “DELICIOUS!” IN SOUTHEAST ASIA

My friends and I asked around the neighborhood on “how to say delicious” in our region. We got mixed responses. Some gladly helped and some outright attacked us saying “Whadda heck do you wanna know?! My country speaks English anyway and 'delicious' would be understood”. *my eyeballs rolled 3 times and my left eyebrow challenged the Petronas*

What these oh-so-high-almighty-fluent-English-speakers-with-noses-flat-as-a-pancake don’t understand is; the cultural essence of learning to speak another language. I don’t know about you but here in Thailand, when a foreigner makes an effort to speak our language, we treat them with high esteem.

One time, I was in another country *which I won’t name even if you stick a fork up my nostrils* and made an effort to speak their language. You know what I got? – “Why are you talking in *toot toot*? Don’t you know everybody here speaks English and we are the best English speakers in the whole of Asia yaddi-yadda-yadda-blah-blah?” *OMG! What a culture-less human being!*

Anyways, enough of the ranting…here’s how to say delicious in Southeast Asia and express your appreciation for the delicious food your hosts are serving you:

You say “sedap” in Malaysia and Brunei. Remember that the ‘e’ is pronounced like a soft ‘a”. You would surely harvest nice praises from the Malays and the Bruneians and who knows? – They might give you more food to munch on.

“Sedap” is also applicable in Malay speaking Singapore. And ‘delicious’ in Mandarin is “Hen Hao Chi” or “Hen Mei Wei” or if you really want to impress your hosts, say "Jin Ho Jiek" in Hokkien and "Ho Sek" in Cantonese.

In Vietnam, “Ngon” means delicious. "Rất ngon" means very delicious. If you wanna compliment your hosts’ effort of preparing a dish for you, you say "Ngon quá" for appreciation.

“Sarap” is the root word for ‘delicious’ in the Philippines. You can use it as it is or add a prefix like “masarap” (delicious), “napakasarap” (very delicious) or the overacting “Ang sarap-sarap!” – please note that the Malay ’sedap’ is pronounced like ‘sarap’ too. If you’re in Cebu or Mindanao Island; you say “Lami kaayo”.

Indonesia has a lot of terms for it – “bagose makan”, “enak”, “sedap”, “nikmat” or simply “maknyuss”. And if you wanna max it up -- you can add “sangat” or “sekali” or “banget”. Although the most appropriate term for delicious food is “Lezat”. You can also use these in Timor Leste.

They say “Chi-ang” in Cambodia. In Laos it’s “Saep” (like ‘sehp”) and add “lai lai” after it to say it’s very delicious. I was told its “Lum tair tair” in Burma but I’m not really sure because it sounds Northern Thai to me. *Help me out, Dawn?*

Here in Thailand (เมืองไทยน่าอยู่ที่สุดในโลกเลย) -- we say “aroi” (อร่อย) for delicious and “aroi mak” (อร่อยมาก) for very delicious.

I don’t need to note that you don’t say “delicious” each and every time you stuff your face, should I? Once is enough -- on the first bite usually and maybe repeat it again when you finish eating for the best effect.

These little cultural/language exchange brings us closer together. After all, we are one big family anyway that happens to speak different languages.

I hope you enjoyed this post as much as I did.

****

-- Pisanu

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I'M SORRY, PLEASE FORGIVE ME

I took a little walk down Monivong Road to post this. I left my friends at Raffles Hotel Le Royal, the hotel where we are staying. To be quite honest, I don’t know what to post. I’m sure a lot of you maybe expecting a lot of our adventures posted here.

As the leader of this group, I made it a point to avoid one tourist attraction of Phnom Penh – the Killing Fields in Choeung Ek. But one over-friendly tour driver was able to persuade us to take a little look. We came unprepared. There is a reason why we avoided that place, but we gave in.

WHY MUST MILLIONS OF INNOCENT PEOPLE HAVE TO DIE FOR ONE MAN’S CROOKED VISION?

I AM ANGRY! I am angry that it happened. I am angry that it’s taking longer for Cambodia to recover. I am angry that we are not helping them enough to rise to their feet. I am angry that Western countries are luring young and gifted Cambodians away disguised as a "scholarship".

I am angry that children are in the streets. I am angry at myself gambling away money at casinos in Poi Pet. I am angry at myself for staying at the most expensive hotel in Cambodia!

I am checking out tomorrow. I’ll stay at the cheapest hostel I can find and give my luxury hotel accommodations’ worth to the kids outside this Internet café. I promise.


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HUNTING DOWN AN IP ADDRESS: Would you do it?

Have you ever wondered why we never turn this blog into a “hey-I’m-a-celebrity-buy-my-T-shirt!” blog? Or a “this-blog-is-about-me!-me!-me!”? Let me tell you why…

A couple of years ago, we used to have a blog-like website all dedicated to everything about our personal lives. We post what we shop for, what we eat, our new hairstyles, where we go and just about everything that we do.

One day, there was this audacious group of people who started using our pics, our names and totally assumed our identities to roam about on the Internet. A guy used Pisanu’s name and photos on community forums and another girl used mine just the same. Morgan, Sucre and Farah weren’t spared too.

We wouldn’t have discovered it until the hate mails started pouring in. The guy got hold of our numbers, our addresses from the blog and started stalking us. We deleted our website altogether.

Let me ask you; what would a person (like me)…
with all the time and money, do?

We hired the best detectives in town to track down those fools. He gave us the latest state-of-the-art web tracking gizmos while he gathered information about the people doing it to us. When we catch them 2 years ago, I made sure the guy (a non-Thai) is blacklisted in Thailand and the girl would never land a job all her life.

Now here’s the situation…since the start of this blog last March, we have collected the IP addresses of people who have left insults, verbal assaults and outright attacks. Names, addresses, police records, everything! I just want to make sure we are not dealing with the same people. I once posted the names and addresses of people who are doing outright ridicule of our blog last July.

AND HERE'S ANOTHER KICKER: (since my co-author won't say anything) ...
2 of our blog links got the same IP Address with people who leaves hate comments and insults on this blog. Now, talk about audacity!

If not because of Pisanu’s stupid principle of “let it go”, I would have showed up on these people’s doors and give them a nice slapping.

I want to ask you…As a blogger who would do everything to protect your most beloved blog (and yourself!) and you got the IP Addresses and informations of the people winding you up…what would you do?

--Sofia