10 STEPS TO SURVIVE A BREAK UP(and get even!)

1. Face reality. He will not come back to you—and that’s a fact. No matter what you do. Face it – he left already. Your objective now is to make him regret leaving you and focus on that. ONLY THAT.

2. Go to your CD collection. Sentimental albums must go. If you don’t want to throw it away, bury it in the deepest hole in your closet. NEVER ever play a love song. NEVER!

3. Buy a mirror. A big mirror. Take a good look at yourself. See anything that shouldn’t be there? Flabs, pimples, yellow teeth? Are you the same person the first time you met him? No? Then get that dumbbell and exercise 2 hours a day. REINVENT YOURSELF.

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4. Keep pumping that dumbbell! Keep pumping it! Channel your anger to that piece of iron. Visualize yourself pumping that dumbbell up and down his face and him bleeding in pain. Feels good, doesn’t it?

5. Call him once a week, send an email, send SMS but DON’T expect a reply. When he does pick up your call, pretend you’re darn okay (because you are!) – KEEP THE FRIENDSHIP. Let him know you are still alive and he didn’t devastate you. Never show him you are miserable – it will never ever work. Don’t burn the bridge which you are going to use for retaliation.

6. ISOLATE YOURSELF from him. Don’t meet him up for the next 60 days. No. 5 is enough for the moment. You don’t have any business meeting up with him if you don’t have No. 9.

7. Does he have any personal belongings in your room? Pictures, under wears, teddy bears…gather them all and put it in a bin bag. All things belong to him must go inside that thrash bag. Put it next to your door – inside, not outside! Every time you go out, you would want to take that thrash bag out -- but not yet . You would want to take him out – and that day will come. This will keep you focused.

8. Don’t go out on a date yet. That is not your objective. A new beau will defocus you and for all you know, that new date would leave you sooner or later anyway. So maybe next time, yeah? Focus, focus, focus.

9. When you see yourself gorgeous, slim, fit, youthful – just the way you were the first time you met him – it’s time to make a move. If you followed No. 5, this part would be very easy.

10. When you have everything in order and religiously followed Nos. 1-9, LURE HIM. Invite him for dinner with your and his closest friends. Be natural – the virginal gorgeous guy he met when he first fell for you. Keep your focus and keep thinking of No. 1… if the dinner date is set, take that thrash bag on your way out...this is the day.

In the restaurant, make sure he’s sitting opposite you – not next to you. Order a big glass of Iced Tea – don’t eat. Converse with your friends BUT your eyes are nailed to him. Never leave eye contact. He’ll think you’re up to something and you’d want him back. His ego would build up like a balloon. Keep your focus. Don't fall for him again -- he left you, remember? You are a hunter and your prey is weak. With the way you look tonight? – by god he’ll be drooling.

Sip a little of your iced tea…maintain eye contact…keep holding the glass…go over his back -- and pour it ON THAT SONOVABITCH! – you can take a picture if you want. Storm out of the restaurant with a photo of him soaked in tangy sweet iced tea.

MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.

And you… gorgeous and free.


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